The Art of Becoming

Instant Entry #3: The Dream

Today I woke up with a start.

I was drowning in dream after dream and like one trying to catch her breath, I pull myself out of the water and open my eyes awake. The world was dark and cold. And because I could hear the pattering of the rain against the roof, I knew it was wet.

It was all a dream, I tell myself and I sigh in relief. I’m not one to remember dreams but I can’t seem to clear it from my head. It was so vivid. 

I admit, I was also terrified by it. Not because it was a nightmare, nor because it was too weird, but because there was a tinge of possibility in it. It spoke of an aching within that I didn’t know still existed, a longing that I thought I’ve long extinguished. 

As I lay on my bed, I think about the kind of woman I feel I am — desolate and dispossesed. I bury myself under my sheets the way I hide behind the busyness of everyday because I don’t want to feel. I downplay compliments because I can’t seem to accept.

But that dream, oh that dream, it was a wake up call. I hear a voice that whispers align your heart with God’s, wash yourself with the Word, and be reminded of who you are in His eyes.

I grab my Bible and run my hands against the pages of Songs of Songs. And I rally my heart to cry out: “This is where my security lies, that ‘I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.’” (Songs of Songs 6:3)

Who am I? I am not desolate, I am not dispossed, I am loved.